User:Bradaphraser/SupperBowl

Rex "Grossman," the league's premier Zombied Quarterback.

Welcome to Uncyclopedia, your Supper Bowl headquarters sponsored by Chunky Soup. 40,262 articles about sissy Rugby with pads Football

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Today's Featured Advert Walter Peyton "Place" Manning is the second-greatest quarterback in NFL history, and the older brother of the greatest QB in NFL history, Eli Messiah. He hasn't won a championship because his teammates suck royally. His entire career is exactly like his father's, promising but ultimately insufficient, and it's all his teammates' faults. Manning is also noted for throwing an NFL record 78 touchdown passes during Madden NFL 2004, barely surpassing Dan Marino's 76 TDs during Tecmo Super Bowl in 1991. Manning is a good teammate, and as such, hasn't said anything, but his entire team sucks except for him. So far he has nothing to say about coaches and management. Some people say this is because he is white enough to not anger the people who sign the checks and call the plays that he then waves off with five seconds on the clock, but they're a bunch of racists. He's not like Terrell Owens, ok? And don't say Owens isn't white enough to be as ignorant as Manning and get away with it, ok. You don't understand NFL politics at all. (more...) Recently featured: Vietnam War Hoax - Uncyclopedia for Dummies - HowTo:Run away from home - Blackbeard Catering Company - Really Big Tree Yesterday's Featured Advert The Metalheads are an ethno-religious tribe and primitive forerunner of the human race that display heightened levels of aggression, exceptional constitution, narrowmindedness, and a strong affection for loud, violent, evil-sounding, vaguely otherworldly (Brutal) music. They are widely accepted, by most academics, to be the basis for Gods and supernatural deities in all popular religions. While the average Metalhead sees himself as a rock god, the average person sees a woman in bad need of a new wardrobe. However, this dreaded aperture when presented on stage begins to shine like gold in the form of sounds manipulated via surprising mental and physical manual dexterity. (Full article...) Recently featured: Metalheads 9-11 Shoutbox Clairvoyance among dinosaurs Archive · Vote for featured articles · Did you know... *... that cutting off your hands, nose, and head reduces the spread of germs by 100%? ... that the square root of 69 is 8 something? ... that cutting off your hands, nose, and head reduces the spread of germs by 100%? ... that the square root of 69 is 8 something? ... that cutting off your hands, nose, and head reduces the spread of germs by 100%?	In the news "Time for a new political party that actually cares about the people!" Musk establishes "Porky Pig Party" to combat Trump's "Big Beautiful Bill" (Pictured) United Nations Secretary General gives up on world peace, World War Three begins Netanyahu and Khamenei get it on Trump joins in for threesome, blows load Khamenei fails to follow up after dirty talk, taps out Elon Musk breaks up with Trump Trump sends condolences to "Sly Stallone" Trump celebrates TACO Wednesday by reversing course on long-held campaign promise THE ROCKIES HAVE WON A SERIES! Hit videogame Deltarune about to be released tomorrow!!! New York Knicks throw tantrum, fire head coach for barely missing NBA Finals they would have lost anyways Elevation Worship's Chris Brown filling in for mainstream Chris Brown until further notice Taylor Swift buys back her masters Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, TAWOG, Stranger Things 5, and Spaceballs 2 • Russian Invasion • Gaza War • Trump and Elon's feud.. make up.. no one knows anymore • Aaron Rodgers finally signing with a team • Animal-related live-action remakes kicking Snow White's ass • Jaws 50th anniversary • Colorado Rockies game replacing Jaws airing • Israel/Iran peace talks Recent deaths: New York Knicks' surprisingly kickass season and coach's tenure • Fear Street: Prom Queen • John Redcorn • Brian Grazer's career and livelihood, and anyone's respect for him • Sly Stallone Stone • Brian Wilson • Ariana Grande's Nonna • Canadian team's bid to win the Stanley Cup, again • PF4Eva's headphone cable • Jimmy Swaggart Upcoming deaths: DEI • Diddy's chance at freedom • Tom Cruise's career of sprinting on-screen • New York Knicks' future success • Pittsburgh Steelers' locker room • Greta Thunberg? • R. Kelly • Iran's nuclear program • Oil prices On this day... July 2: Canada Day (Canada) (if July 1 falls on a Sunday (which it didn't)); Confusing Parentheses Day 1492 – After becoming extremely confused by oceanic parentheses, Christopher Columbus arrives in The New World, believing it to be China. 1566 – French astrologer Nostradamus dies. Didn't see that one coming, did ya Nostradamus? 1698 – Thomsas Savery patents the first steam engine, designed to mechanically move a horse's legs so as to reduce the amount of effort required to pull a horse-drawn buggy. 1882 – Oscar Wilde reaches the height of his celebrity, arriving to the premiere of his play The Importance of Being Earnest in a luxury stretch horsebuggy. 1947 – A weather balloon crashes in the desert near Roswell, New Mexico. The Army covers up the loss of the weather balloon by claiming it was an alien spaceship. 1962 – The first Wal-Mart opens for business in Rogers, Arkansas. The primitive version of the store offers only guns, confederate flags, and bullets. 1996 – Aliens attack the world, destroying New York, Los Angeles, Washington D.C., everywhere else. Bill Pullman, Will Smith survive.
Today's featured picture When it was invented, the lance with a brick on the end was considered a marvel of contemporary medieval war technology. The lance with a brick on the end made it possible for unexperienced, n00b knights to defeat 1337 knights using the old-fashioned, brick-free lances nine times out of ten. The vast superiority of the lance with a brick on the end led to its near-universal adoption within a period of less than two decades. Note that the n00b knight on the right also has an Apexi "Cat back" muffler system on his head, which is first evidence that riceboys existed as early as the 14th century. Image credit: Sunsneezer View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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